CHINO’S CHOICE: THE WORST MOVIES OF 2013.

I had a whole ballot of nominations for this, but I decided not to post it, too embarrassed to show you all of the bad movies I actually saw this 2013. But nevertheless, it was still a pretty awesome year for film. I tried my best not include movies that are meant to be bad or just for entertainment purpose, but there are some I just couldn’t resist (like my Worst Picture winner…I couldn’t resist but crown it). The rest are mostly let downs, disappointments etc.  In addition to that, I didn’t do the traditional categories, which I will do in a week or two for my BEST OF 2013, so please come back and see that cause I promise it’s more entertaining. Thank you!

The-Starving-Games-TrailerWorst Picture of the Year  
“THE STARVING GAMES”

There have been tons of horrible spoof films over the past decade. When “rewarding” my “worst of the year” awards, I never really liked to include them because they’re usually made to be stupid, for entertainment value only. But “The Starving Games”, directed by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, is an embarrassment to their genre. And that’s really saying something! Take me back to the time where Mel Brooks and even the Wayan Brothers were at least making funny parody motion picture. This hits all the wrong notes. Pocking fun at the most random pop culture references with bad comedic timing, and unentertaining punch lines. Hence, it’s my personal  pick for The Worst Film of 2013.

Only-God-Forgives11Worst Actor in a Leading Role
RYAN GOSLING in “ONLY GOD FORGIVES”

Mr. Gosling has been going down hill for me lately. Though he occasionally makes quite a good picture, he never fails to come up with the same old performance. He always plays the silent, brooding, leading man with a past and it’s getting quite old. “Only God Forgives” takes the cake of a performance trying way too hard to be important, but failing miserably. The performance was boring, one-sided and wooden. He needs to reinvent himself as soon as possible.  Read my review for “Only God Forgives” here.

oz-6Worst Actress in a Leading Role
MILA KUNIS in “OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL”

In recent years, Mila Kunis has boosted her star in some very excellent films and performances. Her performance in “Black Swan” (2010) is even part of my 2010 Best, and I even gave her notices for her small comedic turn in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (2008).  But in “The Oz: The Great and Powerful”, Mila Kunis isn’t only horrible to look at (it’s a shame because she is so beautiful, I blame the costume and makeup department for this) but her performance was unintentionally funny. Playing the lead female role across James Franco, Kunis made me squirm, chuckle and cringe in the worst ways possible. Overacting to the ultimate maximum. Read my review for “Oz: The Great and Powerful” here.

alex_pettyferWorst Actor in a Supporting Role
ALEX PETTYFER in “THE BUTLER”

He was in the movie for a good old five minutes, but that’s five minutes the already troubling “The Butler” looses when he appears in the second scene of the already bad movie. Is it too harsh for me to say that Alex Pettyfer really cannot act? In “The Butler” he seemed so conscious of the camera’s presence, overacting his “evil slave owner”. The end result? Looking like an angry pice of wood. This is what happens when you overdo a small character – it was just really, really bad. Read my review for “The Butler” here.

the-big-wedding-790375lWorst Actress in a Supporting Role
KATHERINE HIEGL in “THE BIG WEDDING”

Katherine Hiegl isn’t exactly an actress with a whole lot of range. But her romantic comedies never really fail to make money because she knows how to choose cute, little stories that will give her a big fat paycheck. But Hiegl’s supporting performance as the mad daughter of Robert De Niro and Diane Keaton in “The Big Wedding” was a horrendous piece of work. Her acting was slopping, over-the-top and overly sentimental. And those three descriptions have worked for her before in other movies, but in this film, Hiegl was the definition of bad performance. Along side Amanda Seyfried you probably takes second place in this category…for the same movie. Read my review for “The Big Wedding” here.

the-big-wedding-director-justin-zackham-in-a-set-photo-with-castWorst Director
JUSTIN ZACKHAM for “THE BIG WEDDING”

Justin Zackman has proved to me that it’s very possible to make four Oscar winners (De Niro, Keaton, Sarandon and Williams) terrible in a picture. The problem with Zackham’s direction in “The Big Wedding” is he has no idea how to work the ensemble piece that he’s written. There was no connection between the characters, he didn’t pull the best out of his “should-have-been-stellar” cast, and he didn’t take advantage of his control. There was no control in his part in this sloppy motion picture.

Ygg5hUB0s6FlMost Unnecessary Movie of the Year
“THE STARVING GAMES”

Self explanatory, really. It was just so unnecessary. I think the filmmakers thought they could ride of the money from the original franchise their spoofing, but I was looking at numbers and it seems that “The Starving Games” isn’t doing so well money-wise. And it shouldn’t. I’d be ashamed of the human race if this comes even near box office triumph.

Film Review The ButlerThe Biggest Disappointment of the Year
“THE BUTLER”

Director Lee Daniel’s has shown us quite an impressive body of work the past few years. I really liked his film “Precious” and had no problem with all it’s awards attention. Even the universally trashed “The Paperboy” was okay in my book, because he squeezed out such wonderful performances, especially from Nicole Kidman. When I heard of “The Butler” I was excited, because it seemed like such an ambitious film for him to do, and it touched on so many subjects. After seeing the film, I thought it was extremely terrible. A major disappointment in all aspects from the acting, to the direction to the cheap TV movie cinematography.

adore2The “It-Could-Have-Had-Potential” Award
“ADORE”

So unfortunate how “Adore” (and everything Naomi Watts did this year) ended out being. Though “Adore” wasn’t a bad movie per say, it was certainly dragging and not well executed enough. I find this one of the saddest films of the year because of all of the potential it could have been. Watch the trailer if you haven’t seen it, then just stick to the trailer cause it’s better then the film. It what could have been a dynamic dramatic duo performance by Watts and Robin Wright in a well-made provocative motion picture – the movie came off flat. Read my review for “Adore” here.

STK-7462.NEFThe Style Over Substance Award
“STOKER”

One of the most beautiful shot movies of the year, but there was nothing more to it then that. Yes, it had fine performances but nothing explosive. The cinematography however, was dynamite. The production design was extremely fantastic. The way the film looked with so stylish and visionary. But the film itself? MEH. Times 100. Read my review for “Stoker” here.

The-Canyons-James-DeenThe “What-the-Hell-Were-You-Thinking?!” Award
JAMES DEEN in “THE CANYONS”

The ultimate mess of a film. And it isn’t even Lindsay Lohan’s fault. But what on God’s Earth where they thinking in casting porn star James Deen in a motion picture. Even if the movie is as bad as “The Canyons”!? Did they have a hard time finding other people to show their ding dongs or something!? This performance gets a special mention because it’s just so bad and so empty, that you want to scream out into the world and ask “What they HELL were they thinking!?”. Read my review for “The Canyons” here.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Jake says:

    You’re usually supposed to have impeccable grammar if you want to review and critique movies, or anything, really. Fix that.

    1. Thanks for the comment. But I write my blog for my personal enjoyment and for those you want to read it. If you have a problem with the way I write please just ignore my posts. Thanks!

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